Random person 1 while looking at the phone: These days, everyone is so vocal about mental health. It’s amazing. It’s important to talk about depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome, etc. We must normalize such discussions.
Random person 2: Yeah, can’t agree more.
Random person 1: Anyway, I can’t understand why my sister is so annoying these days.
Random person 2: What do you mean?
Random person 1: She is fighting with me all the time. I mean, if you can’t deal with the corporate politics and pressure then leave it. Don’t bring it home. Go and do something where the pressure is less.
Random person 2: Did she share something with you?
Random person 1: Not really but I can sense it. Or perhaps, that’s just one of those days. Now, I can’t ask her if she is going through her menstrual cycle, you know.
Random person 2: Why not?
Random person 1: Are you mad? I am her brother. I can’t ask such questions.
Random person 2: But as a brother of my baby sister, I do ask such questions. I need to know the reason for the sudden change in her behavior. It’s a natural process, so why make such a big fuss about it?
Random person 1 went silent….
Why didn’t I name the above two people? It would have been easier for me to craft a fictional conversation with names, right? But naming these characters would have revealed their gender, and you, as a reader (especially women readers), would have perceived the end to be a male-bashing end.
Now, girls must be thinking, ‘Huh, What the heck! Where are such men?’. Well, you know what, I kinda agree with you, but I don’t blame men. I blame their mothers and women in the family. Why didn’t they normalize such discussions? Menstrual cycles happen to a woman, so isn’t it our responsibility to make it normal? And dear men, after reading this blog post please do not drop comments or DMs claiming that all men are not the same because perhaps you are right, but the ratio of such men is hardly 0.1%, which isn’t enough. I am not saying it just for the sake of this blog post. I can quote educated men like doctors, engineers, MBAs, CAs, defence professionals etc. Unfortunately, a lot of pigs crossed my path.
Anyway, this blog isn’t about menstrual cycles or men not understanding the emotions of a woman during these days. It is about something that is commonly discussed, Anxiety! It is discussed so much that when it actually happens, we fail to notice it. In fact, sometimes we know it is there. We even know the reason, but it’s left with judgments like,
‘It is hormonal. It will be fine in a couple of weeks/months.’
‘Oh, it is that time of the month so she is a little cranky.’
‘She is way too ambitious, she must calm down and focus on her kid first.’
‘This is nothing. She is just leveraging her current medical condition to cover her failed targets.’ (Thinking… let her go on the maternity, I will take over her projects which is almost done)
‘Oh, she must take a break and focus on her physical health.’ (Thinking … she is raising too many fingers on my failed efforts at my job)
‘She talks too much about mental health on public platforms. She is always trying to attract attention.’ (Thinking she is always ready with facts and reasons so what else I can say to shut her up. This is best!)
‘You must focus on your kid. They are your happy hormones. They will cheer you up.’
I mean, are you serious? Is this how you deal with someone’s anxiety? But you know what, I don’t blame you. You are just ignorant.
According to the Mental Health Foundation, ‘Women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety as men.’ Now, this is one of the facts so we know the problem. But what is the solution?
‘We must talk about such stuff.’
‘We must normalize such discussions.’
‘We must create a safe and healthy space.’
‘Education is the key to solve this problem.’ Etc etc etc…
Beep…. (Fill in the word yourself)
As a marketer, we do a lot of brainstorming but we also do execution. But in the above issue, the bigger problem is we just discuss and then move on.
Now, because you (men) will not understand again let me explain with an example and for your information, it is fictional. However, I know none of you (all genders) will agree with me but who cares? Keep thinking and fitting me in the situation!
Let’s say there is a 9-months pregnant woman. She can deliver anytime and unfortunately she has limited help from family as she lives far away from her and her husband’s family. Now, pause! Girls, stop blaming her in-laws and/or her own family and/or her. Let’s say she was aware of this limitation and challenges before planning.
Moving forward, she wants to hire a house help for 24 hours but no one in both the families agree to it and she and her husband are clueless so they couldn’t decide. Now, there has been long discussions around this which took days and eventually, one day she delivers the kid in emergency. Now, she goes back and she has all the help from family at home as they are with her on the big day. But she is aware that they will go back soon so she starts getting anxious.
She is telling about her anxiety every day to everyone at home and everyone is agreeing that at least full day house help will be needed but no one is helping to find one… why? This city is new to us. How can we help in this? And the husband is a busy man because he is working while the girl is relaxing and enjoying the maternity break so obviously the husband can’t but she can. #sarcasmalert
So, she takes charge of things and starts looking out on her own. She is healing. She is dealing with postpartum depression. She is adapting to this new change. She is taking care of the baby and she is finding a house help with zero information of how to do it and where to find her. Now, after 2 months of struggle she finds one and few months pass by.
She is close to the day when her maternity is about to get over so she is worried about how things will move from here because the house help at home is not a nanny. She has never handled her kid. Why? Family said that the kid is too fragile so you must take care of her and the mother within her agrees. But now, what? Family still stays by the decision and says ‘See, it’s your kid so you know better but in our opinion, you must not give the kid to the nanny.’ This again leads to anxiety.
Friends and new mothers are suggesting to keep a nanny but family and her motherly instinct denies. She wants to join back her work but how can she. She doesn’t want to ruin her hard work of so many years but she has to give up. Why? She is the mother after all.
Anxiety! Anxiety! Anxiety!
In the above situation, she experienced anxiety
- When she was finding househelp after delivery. Everyone knew the problem but no one helped.
- When she wants to return back to work. She talked to everyone so everyone knew but no one helped.
- When she looked back to her career and her kid, shared about it with everyone but no one helped.
And whatnot?
Dear Men,
You must be thinking that this is a man bashing blog. It certainly is. In fact, this is the first ever blog in my entire life where the content and emotion of the blog is biased to a gender but it took me over 30 years to realise that the life of woman will never change.
Women were struggling then, women are struggling now! And I refuse to accept this!
Today, I am not writing as a working mother of two, wife of an amazing man, or a mature woman who takes every step carefully to keep everyone happy.
I am a rebellious 20 year old girl who was raised by a tigress… who was taught to fight… who was told to challenge every wrong act and was given the courage to say, ‘this is wrong and unfair’.
So, instead of discussing mental health or anxiety, talk to the women of your family. They are suffering in one way or the other because you are either ignorant or ignoring the problem. Keep the phones aside and talk to them because ‘You are unfair towards her!’
P.S. I will not receive any call from any friend to explain if this is a personal experience. It’s not so, grow up. If you’ll call and start a conversation on the note of showing concern, I will disconnect the call to tell, ‘Grow up!’
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